santa-banta-jokes


 

  1. SANTA BANTA
Santa: Oye! What are you?
Banta: Recording this baby’s voice.
Santa: Why?
Banta: When he grows up.
I shall ask him what he meant by this.
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A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I’m coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out
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A Girl Romantically said to a santa: Do U want to see the place
where they did Apendix Operation to me?
santa: No, I hate Hospitals.
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Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank’s slogan was: We make your dreams come true…
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Santa: Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Banta: I give up.
Santa: Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music
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santa asks banta to bring a pepsi. banta brings a bottle of pepsi
but goes directly to Tendulkar.
why ?? why ??
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener.
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Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot?
Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?
Pappu: No.
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Banta was repeatedly buying a movie ticket
seller asked why?
Banta: some stupid standing near the door
is tearing my ticket every time.
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Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
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Santa ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
still he was in jail…….why?
coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !
________________________________________________
Banta Went for Divorce
Judge: You have 3 Kids
How Will you Divide Them?
Banta Thinks Hard & Says,
‘Oye.. IDEA, We’ll Come Next Year With 1 More
_________________________________________________
It was Santa’s weding aniversary.
Preeto: Shall v hav Tandoori chicken to celebrate?
Santa: Y punish da poor chicken for da mistake v hav made
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Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup.
Santa: I’m in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!
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SANTA goes 2 a hotel & after eating he goes 2 wash his hands,
but start washing the basin Manager:What r u doing?
SANTA: U have written here “WASH BASIN.”
_________________________________________________
Shopkeeper: This sweater’s made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I am not interested in the morals of the sheep. Just tell me, will it keep me warm?
_________________________________________________
Santa-Banta broke a bank,
but instead of cash they find
bottles of chilled red wine.
happily they drink and left
next day headline
~ Braking News ~
“Blood Bank Robbed”
_________________________________________________
Teacher: What is common between
Buddha,Jesus ,Mahavir and Guru Nanak?
Santa: All of them were born on government holidays
_________________________________________________
Banta to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It’s already raining.
Banta: So what, take an umbrella and go.
_________________________________________________
Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators
_________________________________________________
A friend asks SANTA how was ur exam?
SANTA: It was ok but i couldn”t answer past tense of THINK.
I thought, thought & finally i wrote “THUNK”.
_________________________________________________
Santa cuts sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess why?
.
.
.
To avoid the side effects!
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
_________________________________________________
What is the chemical formula 4 water?
SANTA: HIJKLMNO.
Teacher: wht r u talking abt? SANTA:Yesterday u said H to O
_________________________________________________
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
_________________________________________________
Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,
Police or Ambulance?
_________________________________________________
Santa: What”s difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser
& superman wears it over the trouser.
_________________________________________________
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn’t
came back yet!
Santa: Why don’t u cook something else?
_________________________________________________
Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
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Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
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Santa walks into a library & says, “Can I have a burger and coke?”
Librarian, “I’m sorry, this is a library.
” Santa whispers, “Can I have a burger & coke?”
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santa opens his lunch box in the middle of the road why?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from office.
_________________________________________________
Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says “Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!”
_________________________________________________
Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: ‘Free Delivery’
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santa bunks office comes home & finds his wife in bed with his boss. Rushes back to office & tells his colleagues almost got caught bunking?
_________________________________________________
Santa (reading from book of facts):
“Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash?”
_________________________________________________
Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
_________________________________________________
Jeeto: If I die what ‘ll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man
_________________________________________________
One day Santas Girlfriend asks him, Darling,
om our Engagement will you give me a RING?
Santa:Ya sure, Give me your Telephone No
_________________________________________________
How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
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santa : “I saw my Wife going 2 a movie with a strange Man.”
Friend : “Did u follow them inside?”
“No yaar,” replied santa “I had already SEEN the Movie !”
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Santa giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked “Why are you standing at the door?”
Santa: “Idiot, I am giving entrance test.”
_________________________________________________
Titanic was sinking.
An Englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!
_________________________________________________
Santa looking at himself in the mirror, “I have seen this man somewhere”.
After half an hour, “Oh, its the same man, who married my wife.”
_________________________________________________
Wht is the limit of foolishness?
Santa singh n banta singh fighting for a window seat on a two wheeler scooter.
_________________________________________________
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What’ll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I’ll take the money.
_________________________________________________
A friend to Sardar:
Last year the Name-Plate
outside your house
I read Santa Singh B.A
This year I read Santa Singh M.A
When did you finish yours Master Degree..?
Sardar: You don’t understand.
Last year my wife died.
I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again.
Then I took a second wife,
so
M.A is married again
_________________________________________________
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u’ll die.
Santa: U’ll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.
Q: How did Santa cheat the railways?
A: He bought the ticket and didn”t travel.
_________________________________________________
A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked
a question –
Interviewer – Who killed Gandhiji ?
Sardar – Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.
_________________________________________________
Banta owned a factory.
He issued orders that only married
men would be employed.
Friend asks: Why this ?
Bant reply:
Because married men are more obedient.
_________________________________________________
Lil Banta: I dreamed last night dat u gave me Rs 500 for Christmas.
Banta Singh: Well, as you”ve been a good boy lately, you may keep it.
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Banta: What”s the difference between an oral thermometer and a
rectal thermometer?
Santa: The taste.
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Santa: WHat is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannt mosquito.
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Banta:When did George Washington die? Santa: 2 days b4 his funeral
Banta: tell me five FERROUCIOUS animals that you can think of……
Santa: 3 lions and 2 tigers.
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Banta ask santa: what will you
advise your children about marriage?
Santa declares: I’ll never marry in my life and
I’ll give same advice to my children also.
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santa had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the table. The guest asked what is this? santa didn”t know English, he said “Milk sleeping in night,morning becomes tight”
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An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
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Santa is so rich he has two swimming pools,
one of which is always empty?
It”s for people who can”t swim!
_________________________________________________
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I’m coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.
_________________________________________________
Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
Driver: Which part? Santa Singh: All of me, of course!
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